You’re Too Old For That: Rock Star Edition

“You’re Too Old For That” is a regular series that explores inspiring activities being pursued by those over 50 years old who feel you’re never too old to do what lights you up.

When Beth Brenner talks about her career, she describes it as “grueling.” Working in advertising for pharmaceuticals, meeting clients’ expectations was everything, no matter when or for how long it meant working. While she made good money and got to travel the world, after 25 years of it, the demands were taking their toll. There’s also another effect: work can make it really easy to forget the passions of youth that gave inspiration and joy.

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As she entered her early 50s, Brenner, of Port Monmouth, NJ, had a growing feeling that she needed a change, but found that idea daunting.

“I had kind of been wanting to get out of advertising and do something different,” said Brenner, now 54. “But I just couldn’t figure it out, and I was scared to just start over or look for something else totally different. Once you get to your 40s, and then your 50s, it’s like, what am I gonna really do?”

Beth fronts Stinging Cactus band; photo by Carolyn Barber

When it came time to apply for colleges, she said, “my dad was sending me catalogs for Julliard because he really thought I could have done something with music.” Doubts crept in, though. She figured she’d become a music teacher because “people who don’t make it end up teaching, and that wasn’t the path I wanted.” So she enrolled at Rutgers University, where she studied sociology and communications. As she became more engrossed in her career, music faded from her life almost completely, outside the occasional karaoke night.

With work burning her out and Brenner caring for her 90-year-old mother with cancer, Brenner took a leave from work to recharge and figure out her next move.

“My mom was still always pushing me, saying ‘I wish you’d get back into singing,’” Brenner said.

During this time, a friend from college mentioned that her brother’s band, Stinging Cactus, needed a new singer, having lost their longtime singer, Ro Cundari. So at 53 years old, Brenner said, “I got in (the band’s) basement and just started going, and they were like, wow, you can really sing,” she said. “My mom made me promise to keep up with music. So when the band called and asked me to join, the timing was impeccable and truly felt like a sign.”

“We probably wouldn’t be a band anymore if it wasn’t for Beth,” said Nick Sapia, 56, the band’s drummer. “We’re older. Finding people to join a band like this is a little difficult.”

But Brenner fit right in. Sapia said Brenner is like “one of the guys”, while still bringing a fresh dynamic to the band, enabling them to expand their repertoire of covers to include songs in vocal ranges they’d never played before. The band’s original singer “was more of a Detroit Rock City guy; (Brenner) is more of a ‘Hit Me With Your Best Shot’ kind of gal,” Sapia said. “She’s an amazing singer.”

The 6-piece band, all in their 50s, has a set list of covers that span the last 5 decades, from Journey and Pat Benatar to Bon Jovi and Taylor Swift. On the work front, Brenner has also since taken a new job, where she gets out on time and doesn’t work weekends. That affords her the time she needs to practice twice a week and perform as the lead singer of Stinging Cactus, playing backyard parties, barbecues, fundraisers, and occasional gigs at local breweries and events.

Being older, Brenner concedes that finding the energy for the band can be a challenge. None of the members are retired yet, so evening and weekend practices are on top of their day jobs. “Everybody’s exhausted, and we kind of push through it,” she said.

And age is not holding her back from is putting on her leather pants. “I would have looked better in them 15 years ago,” Brenner said. “But I try, and I kind of do it tastefully.”

Being at a more mature life stage also means that at this point, no one is in it for fame and fortune. Their gigs usually don’t pay, but she says no one seems to care. “We’re not in our 20s in Seattle,” Brenner said. “We’re not going to be rock stars or millionaires. It’s just – let’s just keep having fun.”

Beth Brenner and Nick Sapia; photo by Carolyn Barber

That’s not to say there’s no ambition. Brenner and Sapia have spun off as an acoustic duo on the side, and share a passion for the music that goes beyond a hobby. “We want to keep going and going because it’s what lights us up,” Brenner said. “If he and I could retire tomorrow and do this full time, we would, one-hundred percent.”

Brenner’s mom lost her battle to cancer recently and Brenner regrets that her mom is no longer around to see her sing. But what matters most is that Brenner kept her promise to her mom.

“I feel like it saved me in a way, getting back into this,” she said. “This is something that deep down I’ve been wanting to do for a really long time, and just never had the balls to just say, screw it. I’m gonna search out a band. I’m just gonna do it.”

Are you doing something inspiring? Do you know someone who is pursuing a passion in their older years? If you or someone you know is 50 years old or older and should have their inspiring story told, please email the editors at Nifty 50+