Your Stories Could Die With You. Here’s How to Make Sure They Don’t

Imagine your great-grandchildren hearing your advice — in your own voice — 50 years from now. Legacy planning has less to do with death than it does with keeping your stories, principles, words of wisdom, jokes, and so much more from disappearing after you’ve gone. I asked my parents (ages 98 and 85) to define legacy planning, and they gave me the same definition you probably thought of, too. They spoke about wills and trusts. But many of today’s financial planners, including one of my friends, are taking a broader view.

In addition to financial assets, they include social, digital, and relational (SDR) assets in a much more holistic legacy picture. Your financial bequests or family heirlooms remain important, but so does your life’s meaning.

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The ethical will: Older than you realize

Attorney Alan Heimlich, owner of Heimlich Law, makes a distinction most people miss. “The ethical will is different,” he said. “It has no standing at probate and doesn’t transfer any property. However, it’s a personal letter with your values and life lessons, family tales, and dreams for the future generation for those left behind.”

This tradition stretches back centuries in Jewish culture, where parents have passed moral teachings to their children in writing. Today, families of every culture write these letters. No lawyer or attorney needed. “You put in your own words,” said Heimlich, “and that’s what makes it carry weight.”

Susan Brody, founder of Family Legacies, Inc., transforms the ethical will into film. Her company produces documentary-style family legacy films in which individuals speak directly to future generations, in their own voices and with their full presence.

“Film captures tone, emotion, nuance, and presence,” she said. “The pause before a difficult truth, the warmth behind a piece of advice, the expression that reveals what mattered most. Future generations get to experience the person in lieu of reading a document.”

Brody said that estate attorneys have played these filmed ethical wills in their offices after a death, providing context for asset decisions and giving heirs context and understanding that written documents may struggle to deliver on their own. When my parents updated their wills a few years ago, their attorney encouraged them to film short ethical wills. Because our family situation is complex, my dad agreed that making this video might help to avoid conflict after he’s gone. Their attorney used his iPhone to make a quick video in the office — easy-peasy.

Voice carries what words alone can’t convey

Raffaela Silvestre leads the Abuelas Project at Latinos in Heritage Conservation, a community archive documenting oral histories from Latinx elders across the U.S. Her team sits with people in their homes and community spaces, recording conversations about migration, family, work, tradition, loss, and joy.

“Voice carries something unique,” she said. “Hearing someone tell their story, with the pauses, humor, and emotion, adds layers of meaning that written summaries often can’t hold.”

For many older adults, especially those who didn’t grow up in a digital world, what matters most is whether the process feels personal. A guided conversation, Silvestre notes, can open spaces for stories in a way that feels natural and less formal. There’s a reason StoryCorps has resonated with NPR listeners for decades. It doesn’t feature journalists or narrators, just ordinary people talking in their own words to someone they love. The emotion’s unscripted, the stakes are personal, and it’s 100% authentic. It’s not something a polished, produced segment can replicate.  A filmed ethical will, a recorded conversation, a saved voicemail (yup, I have recordings of both of my parents for “the after”), or even a recording hidden in a Build-A-Bear animal captures this authenticity far better than any written legal document.

“Film captures tone, emotion, nuance, and presence. The pause before a difficult truth, the warmth behind a piece of advice, the expression that reveals what mattered most. Future generations get to experience the person in lieu of reading a document.”

Susan Brody, founder of Family Legacies, Inc., transforms the ethical will into film

The organizational challenge

Having all the documents isn’t the same as having a system. Srbuhi Avetisyan, research and analytics specialist at Owner.One, said he worked with one family that had prepared everything — a will, video messages, a written letter of intent — but when their loved one passed, the family still struggled with everything.

“The legal papers were with one advisor. The videos lived on a device that was hard to access,” she said. “The written guidance existed, but it wasn’t linked to any specific decisions or assets. The intentions were there and good, but they couldn’t be found or used when it mattered.”

Avetisyan describes what she calls a heritage vault: a single, organized system connecting legal documents, values, stories, and the reasoning behind specific decisions. “Those left behind inherit assets and understanding,” she said.

Her practical advice is straightforward.

• Use short videos explaining specific decisions.
• Provide written guidance that answers “why this exists,” offering more detail than “what this is.”
• Keep everything in one place rather than scattered across multiple devices, hard drives/cloud storage, and advisors.

Tools worth knowing

If you’re ready to start with your legacy planning, Heimlich recommends several accessible platforms.

• Meola helps users organize end-of-life plans in plain language.
• GoodTrust manages digital accounts and social media.
• Everplans centralizes documents, passwords and personal wishes for designated family members.
• Evaheld lets you record personal video/audio messages and share your life story.

Most use large text and step-by-step prompts. Some platforms have a free level, while others can cost around $100 per renewable annual subscription, which is a fraction of an hour with an estate attorney.

Although I’m a digital gal, I bought a paper end-of-life planner (I’m dead, now what?) a few weeks ago. This incredibly comprehensive planner has spots to record all the info my friends and family will need to access my digital life (among other things). I sure hope we won’t need it anytime soon, but it’s good to have just in case. And for my parents, I added their online account information (banking, credit cards, email, etc.) to my RoboForm account. This handy password manager costs less than $50 per year and lets me add up to 5 accounts on the family plan.  

Where to start

No need to emulate the Kardashians (or any other reality TV family) — just a message to share and people who want to listen. Here are some prompts to get you thinking (and talking):

• What was life like when you were growing up?
• What did you learn the hard way?
• What were some of the joys of your childhood? Your adolescence? Other life stages?
• What do you want your grandchildren and great-grandchildren to understand about your life that they’d never think to ask?
• What are your hopes for your descendants?

The stories that define a family rarely survive on their own. They survive because someone decided they were worth keeping.