Living with purpose: Changing your mindset from “I HAVE to” to “I GET to”
A remarkable shift happens once you hit your 50s. The pressure to meet external expectations — climbing the corporate ladder, keeping up with the Joneses — begins to fade. In its place, a new mindset emerges: one of living with purpose. As Moti Gamburd, founder and CEO at CARE Homecare, says, “It’s less about what you have to do and more about what you get to do.”
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This change is powerful. It allows you to let go of old beliefs about what you “should” be doing and rediscover a sense of curiosity and connection. By putting aside those limiting beliefs about aging, you allow yourself the opportunity to revisit old passions, volunteer, or learn something completely new without the weight of prior expectations.
Overcoming limiting beliefs and negative stereotypes
Lisa Murphy (pictured), a certified life coach who helps midlife women create more joy and fulfillment in their lives, said, “Many people think it’s ‘too late’ to pursue new interests and new work, but if they look around, they can see many examples of people in their 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond writing books, returning to school, and doing so many other things. Actress Isabella Rossellini earned her Master’s Degree [in Animal Behavior and Conservation from Hunter College] in her 70s!”
In other words, it’s never too late to embark on a new project. And yet people often think they have no time to try something new. But if they audited the time spent watching TV or scrolling social media, they might be surprised, said Murphy. The “too late” and “no time” limiting beliefs often serve as a cover for a natural, underlying fear of change or failure. In her coaching, she helps clients uncover and question their fears, enabling them to see the benefits of taking action despite them.
So, how can we shift from a mindset of “decline” to one of “growth” in life’s second half?
The most significant shift in people who successfully navigate this life stage is a change in their fundamental mindset. They move away from the pressure of “I have to” and embrace the joy of “I get to,” said Murphy. For many, this process means rediscovering themselves by focusing on recognizing that their own needs, interests, and sense of purpose do matter. Once that light bulb shines, you feel empowered to start making small, day-to-day changes that reflect who you are now — not who you were expected to be. This new perspective allows you to focus on what brings you joy and fulfillment, leading to a richer and more purposeful second half of life.
Cultivate a mindset of flourishing
Gamburd (pictured) said, “Keeping connected to others is important for cultivating a flourishing mindset, especially when we experience role changes in our lives or transitions in our social circles. Building community through clubs, classes, or volunteer organizations helps mitigate loneliness and adds a sense of purpose and belonging. Those who effectively cultivate this mindset are often resilient, positive, and willing to try new things, which positively affects their physical and mental health as they age.”
Remember you’re not alone in this journey, either. Find others who share your mindset and aspirations through online groups (like meetup.com), local clubs, or volunteer organizations. Seeing others your age thriving and trying new things normalizes the experience and makes your goals feel more attainable. A supportive community offers encouragement and insight while celebrating your successes along the way.
Embrace a “thriving life”
Murphy says many of her clients in their late forties recognize that they’re not thriving, but they don’t know what they want to do next. That awareness often becomes a catalyst for change, giving them permission to think about what they want and need now. While we focus on career and family in our 20s and 30s, in our 50s, we have a chance to consider what success means for our whole lives, not just our work. “Thriving in our 50s can mean pursuing our interests and creativity, connecting with friends and creating community, staying active to feel good, or pursuing fulfilling activities or work that aligns with our values,” she said.
“Thriving looks like choosing the life and work I’m passionate about without asking permission or waiting for someone to say I can do it,” said Hady Méndez, founder and CEO at Boldly Speaking LLC. If you need to reengage your curiosity, take on a new hobby. Learn a new skill. Get out of your comfort zone. Re-engaging a “learning mindset” keeps us young and nimble, she says.
Avoiding the comparison trap
It’s often tempting to compare ourselves to our contemporaries. But as Méndez says, we’re all running our own race. Try to avoid the temptation to compare. Come up with a plan that’s aligned with your values, purpose, and financial means — and then go enjoy your life. Fear is a natural response to the unknown, but it doesn’t have to control you. Instead of viewing it as a sign to stop, see it as a signal to prepare — and proceed with caution. The feeling of being “too old” is often a limiting belief, not a fact. We’ve gained decades of wisdom, experience and resilience. Reframe this perceived obstacle as your greatest asset. Your past experiences aren’t a burden; they’re a foundation upon which to build new dreams. You’re not starting from scratch; you’re starting from a place of strength. While comfort is appealing, growth happens outside our comfort zones. Think of this phase of life as a chance to prioritize personal fulfillment over conventional expectations. What brings you joy? What have you always wanted to try? By focusing on these questions, you shift your energy from what you “should” be doing to what you want to do. Trying a new hobby, starting a new career, or getting back into the dating game can feel incredibly daunting, but the potential for joy and connection outweighs the risk.
Take action; maintain momentum
The best way to overcome hesitation? Take a small step. Don’t feel pressured to make a grand, life-altering change at once (unless your philosophy is “Go big, or go home!”). Start with a tiny, manageable action. Want to find love again? Join a social club or interest-based group. Thinking about a career change? Take an online class or network with someone in that field. Each step builds momentum and confidence, proving to yourself that you are more than capable of writing this exciting new chapter. Use the knowledge and wisdom you’ve earned as fuel for what’s next.
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