8 Things That Go Through Your Head When You Join AARP

There are certain rites of passage we all go through as we age. Gray hairs. Wrinkles. Midlife crisis cars for some of us. And, eventually, AARP memberships. There’s just something about those four seemingly innocent letters that tends to stir up some interesting thoughts. Here are a few that might pop into your head when you join AARP.

Read: Just What Is a Fashion Crime at 50+? And Do You Even Care?

Discover: More stories about family

1. “Wait, I thought this was for old people.”

So funny thing — AARP membership is open to anyone 18 or older. Did you know that? I didn’t until recently. But lo and behold, while the organization clearly centers on the 50+ crowd, you won’t be denied membership as long as you’re old enough to vote.

2. “Oh yeah…I am old. Or, at least older …”

Okay, so you’re probably not joining AARP unless you’re 50 or older. And once you do, you might start to feel your age more than you’d like to admit. But there are some pretty cool benefits that come with joining AARP — perks like travel discounts and savings at a host of retailers — to ease the sting that comes with thinning hair and an increasingly sluggish metabolism.

3. “This is, like, totally worth the money.”

You might think the cost of AARP is comparable to your gym membership (you know, the one you keep promising to use more often) or one of your streaming services. But it’s actually only $15 to join for your first entire year. Given that you might score 10% or more off a restaurant bill with your membership, you could conceivably make back your fee with a single outing (which could help offset the fee for that gym membership you keep paying for just to use the massage chairs).

4. “Do I have to start eating dinner at 4:30 now?”

Speaking of restaurants, there’s something about AARP that makes you think “early bird special.” Lean into it. Kidding aside, eating dinner early can be good for your blood sugar and lend to a good night’s sleep. It can also help minimize acid reflux which, if you’ve joined AARP, you probably have some version of.

5. “Is Medicare next?”

Depending on your age, it may be. If you’re still in your 50s, you have a way to go, since you can’t sign up until 65. You can, however, learn all about Medicare by staying home from work for a couple of days and watching back-to-back game shows. Sit through an hour of The Price Is Right, for example, and you’ll be a self-appointed expert on Medicare enrollment and supplemental insurance by the time the showcase bidding begins.

6. “Does this mean I need to go get reading glasses?”

If you’re already rocking that AARP card, it means you’re probably overdue for a pair. And maybe a couple of backup pairs. You know, so that when you can’t find your reading glasses because they’re sitting on top of your head, you don’t have to struggle.

7. “I guess this means I have to stop partying.”

Says who? There’s no rule stating that people of a certain age can’t still enjoy a wild night out. Just make sure to bring earplugs, Gas-X, and one of your four pairs of reading glasses so you can see the menu at the bar/restaurant/club, and you’re all set. (Who are you kidding? You’re not going to a club. You stopped going to clubs when The Sopranos went off the air.)

8. “Next stop, retirement!”

Well, maybe. First you have to convince your 22-year-old to move out of your basement. Then you have to recheck your 401(k) balance because oh yeah, inflation. Then maybe you can think about retirement…if you can keep an actual thought in your head without losing it. If not, that’s okay. You wouldn’t be the first AARP-er to walk into a room, forget why you did that, and repeat.