“A jerk with a big wallet is still a jerk” – that & other dating insights from Gen X
Gen X has often been classified as fiercely independent and self-sufficient. As early as 10 years old, many of us were heating up Hot Pockets or pizza rolls in the microwave and programming the VCR for our parents. The Gen X cohort, in general, knows how to support ourselves and care for others.
It turns out that philosophy also extends to dating and finding life partners. A recent survey from DealSeek discovered that Gen X and Boomers were less likely than younger generations to seek out a partner with a luxury lifestyle who could, presumably, provide the finer things in life.
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The survey showed that 43% of Gen Z and 41% of millennials were interested in luxury lifestyles, while only 27% of Gen X and 25% of Boomers looked, specifically, for a partner with a luxury lifestyle. In addition to coveting luxury goods and experiences, Gen Z was also the generation most focused on dating profiles that showcased a high-paying job (50%) or career ambitions (61%). Across the generations, 46% cared about a high-paying job while 53% looked for someone with career ambition.
It’s not just that those under 45 are seeking to date someone with a similar income to theirs; 62% of Gen Z and 59% of millennials said they’ve intentionally tried to date someone making more money than they do. This practice of “dating up” may diminish with age for Gen X and Boomers who have established incomes and healthy nest eggs for retirement. Other priorities may also become more important as we reach the next stage of life.
“I have my own money. I want the man to have a brain, compassion, and many other characteristics. The size of his heart is more important to me than the size of his wallet,” said Tami, age 62, from Columbus, Ohio.
“I tend to date women that are close to me income-wise. It’s not that I wouldn’t date outside of my general income, it’s just that I never have. I don’t know why, I guess that’s just the way things happened,” said James Bamert, a Gen Xer from Scranton, PA.
Younger Generations More Open to Financial Struggles
Ironically, or perhaps not considering the current difficult economy, the younger generations were also more understanding of financial struggles and unemployment.
Nearly one-third (31%) of millennials said they considered unemployment a “green flag.” Nearly half of Gen Z (46%) said they were “neutral” about choosing someone who was unemployed – that’s 12% more than the average across generations.
Although statistics weren’t available, Gen X and Boomers we talked to had other thoughts on unemployment.
“I really don’t think I could date anyone that’s unemployed. I know I couldn’t actively date if I didn’t have a job and wouldn’t expect anyone else to either. At that point it’s all about priorities,” Bamert said.
Tami, who is older, differentiated from someone who is retired and pulling from generous pension benefits versus living on Social Security alone. “I don’t judge how he lives and eats, but early on, when I am looking to see how kind he is, I do not want to hear how he is limited in what he can do because of that,” she said.
However, she acknowledged that it’s not all about money, but more about making equal contributions to the relationship.
“Let’s say he … is handy and generous with helping me with projects around my house. I don’t have a problem paying for more than he does as my contribution to the endeavor. No matter what…a jerk with a big wallet is still a jerk,” she said.
“I have my own money. I want the man to have a brain, compassion, and many other characteristics. The size of his heart is more important to me than the size of his wallet.”
Tami, age 62, from Columbus, Ohio
Across Generations, Frugality Is Hot (Mostly)
Almost half (47%) of survey respondents said they’d “swipe right” on someone with a frugal lifestyle. But those who are dating later in life may need to be cautious about definitions of “frugal.”
“While I don’t need him to be a millionaire, I will get easily bored with a gentleman who is counting his pennies versus his blessings,” said Tami, who said that using a Groupon on a first date would be “tacky.”
Meanwhile, Bamert said he’d respect if his date whipped out cash-back rewards or coupons. “I know how expensive it can get eating out,” he said.
He added that he pays on dates. “It’s a deep-seated obligation that I had ingrained in me at a young age to make sure that whoever I was with was taken care of,” he said.
He said he’ll choose a place he can afford but is also open to saving money.
Gen Z Still Thinks They Need to ‘Show Off’
In spite of their openness to unemployed partners, 70% of Gen Z and 59% of millennials confessed to misrepresenting their finances while dating. Members of Gen Z paid for something they couldn’t afford (33%) or avoided suggesting cheaper options (18%), according to the poll.
Meanwhile, only 38% of GenX singles confessed to misrepresenting their finances while dating.
Bamert agreed with the majority of Gen X who haven’t pretended to earn more than they do. “I can’t say I ever have. I’ve always been: ‘This is me, warts and all.’”
