I’m a 50+ mom & here’s how to survive your kid’s senior year in high school

I sat in the quiet house, the scamper of kittens the only sound. No movies streaming in the background or video game sound effects punctuating my thoughts. No teenage boys shouting through open windows. No rock or rap music permeating the walls or ceilings between floors in our small house.

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I’d experienced all of this so many times before – the silence of an empty house the first day of school following the mayhem of summer with two kids. This year, they started their freshman and senior years of high school. With New York’s new law banning cell phones for kids in schools, I wasn’t even expecting a text from them.

Something else I wasn’t expecting? All. The. Feels.

This year “hit different,” as the kids say.

Senior Year: The Last “Firsts”

By the time kids reach their senior year of high school, parents have been through many “firsts” and “lasts.” Thirteen first days of school. Several “moving up” ceremonies. Multiple Meet-the-Teacher nights and parent-teacher conferences, sometimes in new buildings. School dances. For parents of athletes, there are homecoming games, touchdowns or goals. Awards.

But the last year of high school for my first-born didn’t have that “been there, done that” vibe. And it wasn’t just the emotions. (Although there were a lot of those.)

It was the planning. The new dates to remember, like college application deadlines, AP course tuition payment deadlines, prom, graduation – and none of the dates are negotiable. And the money. So much money.

The perimenopause brain fog and emotional swings aren’t exactly helping me stay on an even keel during this important year. But all the while, I’m trying not to show my overwhelm, so my daughter won’t feel anxious.

Do You Have a High School Senior?

Nearly one-quarter (23%) of Americans are classified as part of the sandwich generation, according to a Pew Research Center Survey. That means they have a parent age 65 or older and at least one child younger than 18 or an adult child they still support financially.

Of those in the sandwich generation, 36% are 50+, while 7% are 60 or older.

These figures mean I’m definitely not alone with a senior in high school, although I’m not caring for aging parents.

Tips from a Pro (Or, At Least, a Second-Year Senior Mom)

Fortunately, I have a solid network of resources I can turn to as a finance writer, and that’s exactly what I did. I called up my friend and fellow content marketing writer – and, most importantly for this article, mom of a college freshman and high school senior — Amy Ragland.

When Ragland and I started talking, I mentioned that I felt like I’d been on autopilot through middle school and high school. I started out in kindergarten as the involved parent, volunteering at every function through elementary school and even holding PTA executive board positions. By the time both kids reached double digits, I stepped back to focus on myself and my growing business.

Ragland brought up a point I hadn’t even considered in that transition between elementary and middle school. “My kids were in fifth and seventh when everything shut down for COVID,” she said. “So, it’s kind of like, as parents, we missed that transitional phase of them becoming teenagers.”

We blinked, and now they’re almost adults. “As a parent, you’re trying to be supportive of your kid and their decisions, but you’re also working through some big feelings of your own. That’s really tough. Even if your kid’s not going away to school, it’s still a transition of moving to young adulthood,” Ragland said.

She assured me that I’d get through this year with my bank account, my relationship with my daughter, and my sanity intact, offering helpful tips to do so.

Get Organized Now

If you weren’t the type to live by a family calendar in the past, you’ll need one now. Whether you choose a digital option or a giant wall calendar, map out every day, deadline, and event in advance. Pay attention to school emails as they come in, since dates often change.

I’ve tasked my daughter with managing that calendar and letting me know about any important changes, because it gives her a sense of control. I prefer a wall calendar I can easily access and flip through when I need to know, for instance, the free application window for SUNY (State University of New York) schools.

Use Any Resources Your School District Provides

If you live in a school district that provides educational and informational resources, take advantage of as many as you can. “Our school offers a lot of meetings through our college and career counseling center, and I attended all of them,” Ragland said. “The center offers workshops about FAFSA, residential living, all the different things that college kids and career-oriented kids might want to think about. I went to about 90% the workshops thinking I’d already know a lot of the stuff, but even if I walk away with one nugget that’s helpful, that’s going to be beneficial to us.”

If your school doesn’t offer vast resources, you can find webinars online, often through universities seeking to attract students.

Set a Budget – and Expectations

Senior year comes with a lot of added expenses, large and small. This may include a yearbook ($100 and up), class ring, senior photos, and all the expenses associated with prom. If your teen is taking an Advanced Placement or college-level courses, expect to spend hundreds per course, which is still less than they’ll pay in college.

When the school year began, I sat down with my daughter to itemize expenses, including the fixed expenses that are must-haves, like college application fees and AP classes, and expenses with wiggle room, like how much I’m willing to spend on a prom dress.

Setting expectations also goes for college planning. Our school principal emphasized the cost savings of community college vs. state schools vs. private universities. Be upfront with your senior regarding how much you’re willing to contribute to college and their options to pay for the rest.

Plan for Big Events in Advance

College application and financial aid deadlines might be at the top of your list when you’re planning for the senior year. But don’t forget the fun stuff, too.

Will your child need a car for college next year, which might be considered a graduation gift? Do they want a big party?

The year might be stressful, but it’s also important to take time to celebrate.

“One thing I would do differently is scheduling her party two weeks before graduation, instead of the weekend immediately after,” Ragland said. Local venues often book up the weekend after graduation, and kids may have their own parties, especially if they are scheduled with mostly family in mind, that overlap with their friends’ celebrations. “[My daughter] wasn’t able to go to her friend’s parties on the day she had hers,” Ragland said.

She also suggested not waiting until later in the summer to throw a party, because people tend to go on vacation and get busy. “It’s kind of an afterthought at that point,” she said.

Visit Colleges Early, and with an Open Mind

One thing Ragland feels she did right was starting college tours in her daughter’s freshman year. “We went to private schools. We went to state schools. Big schools. Little schools. All just to get an idea of what kind of school she wanted,” Ragland said. Ultimately, your teen might be surprised that their ideal college, however, doesn’t fit the mold of what they initially wanted. Ragland recommended applying for any state or school-specific scholarships if there’s an off-chance your teen might attend that school. “Because we put all our eggs in one basket [with an out-of-state school], we missed some of the deadlines that were available for students going to a state school,” she said.

Be Aware of Application Deadlines for Financial Aid

The senior year might feel like a flurry of activity, so take advantage of timelines and checklists so that your teen doesn’t miss out on scholarship applications.

“Some of the application enrollment deadlines come up early in the year. Sometimes it feels like you have to make a decision very early to qualify for scholarships,” Ragland said. “That was one of the things we ran into that I was surprised by. It’s a lot to navigate, not just as a senior, but also as the parent of a senior.”

Remind Your Senior Nothing Is Permanent

As college application deadlines rolled around, Ragland said, her daughter felt what seemed to be “overwhelming pressure to make the right decision.”

To help alleviate some of those fears, Ragland said, “I always told my daughter, just because you make a decision that seems like a good fit now doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind in a semester or next year. You can… always change directions.”

My kids’ high school principal also emphasized this point at our first senior meeting of the year: Students can always change their minds. Remembering that nothing is permanent, and it’s never too late to change course, is good advice for parents of seniors, too. This is just another season in life, with good moments and bad. The journey continues.